Christmas is indeed, the time of goodwill. The time to share. The time to extend a helping hand wholeheartedly. Christmas is also a time to renew bonds, celebrate blessings, and to create new beginnings.
I am sorry for the lack of posts. I've been going through my recent posts, and I've realized that my heart and passion for writing wasn't there. To be honest, I am not in the mood to write for the past month. Basically, I'm just writing for the sake of updating.
My grandmother is dying. Since the time she stopped speaking (which was caused by a stroke), everything else was downhill for her from that point. After a week since she stopped speaking, she stopped eating. The she developed a lot of bed sores. And she was hospitalized for almost a month. It cost us tons of money. And I feel bad because I can't do anything to help my mother with the bills. But I am glad that my uncle provided financial support for our ailing grandmother.
And after a week of staying in our house, she had to be brought back to the hospital again because her tube on her stomach is leaking (she's being tube- fed already). And we discovered that she already had a lot of internal infections and kidney failure. So she had to stay in the ICU for a week. For the past month, she has undergone two surgeries. But luckily, God gave her another chance at life. Her kidney has recovered and she's bound to be released before the new year. But her vital signs are still low. And it's continually degrading. Her doctors talked to us and told us to prepare for the worst.
I have been depressed. But what can I do? Death is a natural thing. But the pain that you have to go through is exhausting. I also find myself praying that God silently takes her while she's in her sleep. I can't even believe myself that I am actually praying for her eternal rest to come soon and quick! But I'd rather see her sleeping peacefully than see her cry all the time because of all the excruciating pain that she's experiencing. Oh, if my grandmother could only speak again, She'd be cursing everyone and anything for the pain that she's going through!
And all of a sudden I felt regret-- Regret for taking my grandmother for granted. But just a bit. True enough, you'll never know how much a person means to you unless he/she's gone. Or in our case: Dying.
I didn't even put up the Xmas tree. For five years in a row, it is one of my pledges to put up the Xmas tree and decorations around the house. I even start as early as October! That's how excited I am for every Christmas. But for this Xmas, the house was dull. I didn't feel like putting up any Xmas decorations. In fact, I didn't even feel Xmas amidst all the decorated buildings I pass by every time I travel. To be honest, I didn't know that yesterday was the 24th, if my hubby didn't tell me.
But then again, you have to believe that everything happens for a reason. The day my beloved Shih Tzu King died was on Xmas day. I commemorated it last night by feeding his fellow dogs a big can of wet dog food. And this Xmas of 2010, I almost lost my grandmother.
After darkness, light shines again. I vowed to take all the events in my life now peacefully. For this Xmas, I tried unloading all the pain I've went through 'cos of my Lola for the past two months. Whatever happens, I will embrace wholeheartedly. I believe that there is life after death, and a new beginning is bound to happen.
So I took out a lantern, put up some Christmas lights and decorated the door, and wrapped some gifts. It is never too late to welcome Christmas.
Anyway, I've been telling you at the start of this post that Xmas is the year of goodwill for me and my mom. Since we're talking about happy endings and new beginnings, I decided to continue our pledge to distribute "XMAS GOODIES BAGS" to impoverished people around the streets, even if mom wasn't with me last night to do the deed because she decided to celebrate Xmas with lola in the ICU.
Here are pics of our goodies bags. If you will check my Christmas '09 posts, I also have pics of our goodies bags for last xmas too.
Each bag contains a tetra pack juice drink, a sandwich, candies, cookies, cupcakes, and jelly ace candies.
My brother, a house helper, and I went around the streets of Makati and stopped by people scouring trash bins, sleeping on the streets, guards celebrating a lonely Xmas guarding a building, pedicab and tricycle drivers patiently and sadly waiting for a passenger to stop by and gave them a little piece of Christmas. Oh if you could only see the smile on their faces! That indeed made my Christmas merry and bright!
Cliche as it may sound, doing something like this makes you really feel how blessed you are. I may be undergoing a lot of pain, and we might be tight with cash due to Lola's unexpected illness right now, but I can't complain. We can still afford to pay for Lola's hospitalization, I can still afford to buy gifts for myself and for others, I had a pretty good noche buena, and I still sleep on a soft bed, and in an air- conditioned room. At least I am not in the streets like the people I've mentioned.
In any tough situation that I am in, I vow to always remind myself that I am still lucky. There are other people who have more problems than me.
This Christmas has been great after all.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE. :)